What It Feels Like to Lose Weight, Then Gain It All Back

I know exactly what it feels like to lose weight, finally start recognizing the person in the mirror...

...and then watch that progress slowly disappear.

I've lost the weight.

I've gained it back.

More than once.

And if you've been there too, you know the hardest part isn't the number on the scale.

It's believing you have to start all over again.

It Was Never "Just Baby Fat"

I've been overweight pretty much my entire life.

When I was a little girl, everyone called it "baby fat." I was told it would eventually fall off as I got older.

It never did.

Because I wasn't a very active kid, the weight continued to creep up year after year. By the time I was a freshman in college, I was nearing 200 pounds. I remember gripping the handrail halfway up a flight of stairs, trying to catch my breath while pretending I wasn't struggling.

Looking back now, it's hard to believe how normal that felt to me.

The Cycle I Couldn't Break

For the next decade, I became stuck in a cycle that so many people know all too well.

I'd find a new diet, a new workout plan, or a new "life-changing" program. I'd get excited. I'd lose a few pounds. I'd imagine what life would be like when I finally reached my goal weight.

Then, slowly, the excitement would wear off.

I'd skip one workout.

Then another.

I'd tell myself I'd start again on Monday.

Before I knew it, I was back to my old habits, watching the weight creep back on—usually bringing a few extra pounds with it.

Eventually, I reached my highest weight: 246 pounds.

That number scared me.

I started researching nutrition, learning about protein, calories, strength training, and healthy habits. I spent more time in the gym than I ever had before.

But knowledge and consistency aren't the same thing.

No matter how motivated I felt in the beginning, I still struggled to make lasting changes.

The First Time I Started Believing in Myself

Everything changed after I broke up with my boyfriend at the time.

For the first time, I decided I wasn't trying to lose weight for anyone else. I wanted to feel better. I wanted to prove to myself that I could actually stick with something.

At that point, I weighed around 215 pounds.

Over the next twelve months, I lost about 20 pounds.

For the first time in a long time, I felt hopeful.

Then COVID happened.

The gyms closed.

My routine disappeared.

My motivation disappeared right along with it.

Little by little, the weight came back.

When Losing Weight Didn't Make Me Happier

A few years later, my mom, sister, and I decided to do an elimination diet together.

I started at 211 pounds, and within two months I had lost nearly 40 pounds.

On paper, it looked like the biggest success of my life.

People complimented me constantly.

I could shop in stores I'd avoided for years.

I reached for smaller sizes without even thinking about it.

For the first time, I looked in the mirror and thought, Wow... is that really me?

But behind the scenes, things weren't nearly as healthy as they looked.

I became so focused on watching the number on the scale go down that I stopped paying attention to how I actually felt.

I wasn't eating enough.

My hair started falling out.

I lost a significant amount of muscle mass.

I had finally become the size I'd always wanted to be, yet I still wasn't happy.

That's when I realized something I wish I had understood years earlier.

Being thinner isn't always the same thing as being healthier.

Gaining It Back

Not long after that, life hit me hard.

Stress.

Grief.

Financial struggles.

Seasons where simply getting through the day felt like enough.

Little by little, the weight came back.

And then some more.

What surprised me the most wasn't watching the number on the scale go up.

It was the shame.

I kept thinking,

"You already did this once. How could you let this happen again?"

I looked at old photos and wished I could go back to that version of myself.

I blamed myself for every workout I skipped.

Every healthy habit I let go.

Every pound I regained.

But over time, I've realized something important.

Shame has never made me healthier.

It has never motivated me for very long.

If anything, it made starting again feel almost impossible.

Today, I'm heavier than I want to be.

Some mornings, I catch my reflection and barely recognize the woman looking back at me.

Some clothes don't fit anymore.

Walking feels harder than it used to.

And yes...

It still hurts.

This Time I'm Doing Things Differently

But I'm also trying to be kinder to myself.

Because the truth is, my weight-loss journey was never just about food.

It was about learning how to cope with stress.

Learning how to build habits that last longer than motivation.

Learning that being smaller doesn't automatically make you happier.

Learning that health is about so much more than a number on the scale.

Most importantly, I'm learning that gaining the weight back doesn't erase everything I accomplished before.

I still learned how to exercise.

I still learned how to cook healthier meals.

I still learned what works for my body—and what doesn't.

Those lessons didn't disappear just because the weight came back.

These days, my goals are much simpler:

• Walk more.

• Lift weights consistently.

• Eat enough protein.

• Get enough sleep.

• Stop chasing perfection.

• Give myself grace instead of giving up after one bad day.

Maybe that's what this journey was trying to teach me all along.

This isn't a story about losing weight.

It's a story about refusing to give up.

I'm not starting over from scratch.

I'm starting again with experience.

This time, I'm not chasing the fastest results.

I'm chasing something I've never really had before:

A healthy lifestyle I can actually sustain.

Because I'd rather lose the weight slowly and keep it off than lose it quickly and spend the next few years trying to find my way back.

So here I am.

Starting again.

Still learning.

Still trying.

Still hopeful.

And maybe that's enough for today.

If you're in a season of starting over too, I hope this post reminds you that you're not alone. Whether you're trying to lose 10 pounds or 100, one bad day, one bad week, or even one bad year doesn't define your journey.

We all have chapters we'd rather rewrite. What matters most is deciding to keep turning the page.

Have you ever lost weight only to gain it back again? I'd love to hear your story in the comments. And if this post resonated with you, I'd be so grateful if you'd share it with someone who might need the reminder that it's never too late to start again.

If you'd like to follow along with my journey, be sure to subscribe to the blog. I'll be sharing the highs, the setbacks, and everything I'm learning along the way as I work toward becoming the healthiest version of myself—one step at a time.